Can I Be Sabotaging My Own Relationship Chances?

I think I do have to talk about commitment phobia once in a while since that’s what I’m calling my blog. Although, at this particular moment, I’m not really thinking about hooking up with any one (still trying to get over Edward), I came across a short article in the LA Times that made me go, “Hmm, could it be?”

The lines that had me raising my eyebrow go:

I used to think that my tenacious grip on my independence was an attractive quality, but is it possible that I missed my stop on the genealogy Greyhound? Do I need to be more "needy" in the relationship department?

Okay, I’m not a particularly needy or clingy person and I do take pride in my independence. But could it be possible that I have some unnecessary personal hang-ups that are hindering me from fully experiencing the relationship I deserve? One of the questions I asked myself was whether I was subconsciously pushing guys away by showing them up. Do I always have to have bigger balls and act like I don’t need him?

I think too that I set myself up for disappointment when I tell people I don’t like lovey-dovey gooey stuff. Yes, I don’t particularly like flowers, candle-lit dinners, chocolates, and bubble baths for two. But I do like potted plants, great dining experiences (in appropriately lit establishments), cakes (non-chocolate flavored) and laying together on the couch reading. I don’t like lavish gifts because they embarrass me but I like getting article clippings (or hyperlinks) of things that reminded my guy about me, or any indication that he thought about me that day and that he’s genuinely supportive of the things I’m interested in.

But all I ever tell my guy are the things I don’t like and never give him an opportunity to be affectionate with me. I’m so hung up on the things that make me look tough that I never give them a peek in to my vulnerabilities. Maybe I need to learn how to accept and appreciate my own weaknesses first, then feel comfortable with admitting I have needs that need to be met. They say that self-awareness is the first step to any real life-altering change. Hopefully, by the time I learn how to balance my independence with my frailties I will be ready to pursue a new relationship. In the meantime…