The Proposal

Making love to her has always been slow and languid. I'm usually gentle, patient and a bit teasing but tonight was just a bit surprising for both of us.

The day started off just like any normal day. We talked on the phone for a bit, making plans for our date. She got off the phone in a rush but not before she's made me blush from my toes to the roots of my hair. That soft whisper on the phone kept popping in my head and thoughts of her swam in my head all day. Most of my day passed in a blur.

I finally made it to the doctor's office and I was anxious to get out of there. I had a few hours left before I see her. But the doctor brought me shocking news that made it harder to concentrate. I heard the words inoperable, no treatment, four months but nothing made sense.

When she appeared at my back door, her smile enveloped me in such warmth. In the car, she played with my hair and talked freely, her other hand waving like she's conducting a concerto. Her usual anecdotes about her kids made me long for something I didn't have. For a few hours, I forgot all about my bad news. I was completely immersed in her life and her presence.

I couldn't wait to get her to my bed. When we finally got there, I kissed her so passionately - not with desire but with a burning need. She was surprised by my enthusiasm but she responded in a way that spurred me further than I thought I was capable. I couldn't get enough of her smell, her taste, the feel of her all over me. She moaned, called my name and dug her fingernails in my skin but it wasn't enough.

I was ravenous and I attacked her like I haven't fed for years. In all honesty, I unleashed all my hidden passions for her that evening. Making love to her was urgent, frantic and intense. I wanted to pull her as close to me as humanly possible, to fuse myself with her. I was hoping that her life force would be enough to sustain me.

When I couldn't hold back any longer, I rolled her under me and thrust myself without any gentleness. I heard a low grunt, almost a growl but could not distinguish which one of us made the noise. I pushed her until I couldn't get any further. I can feel my hipbones almost bruising the softness of her inner thighs. Both of our movements were fierce and the feeling was intense. My passion built up so quickly with very little warning. But before I completely lost myself, I pulled out from her and buried my face between her legs. I drank her sweetness and urged her on. Just when she was getting to her precipice, I slipped back inside her.

I looked deep in to her face. I slowed my movement a bit and said words that I wasn't even aware I wanted to say. “Marry me,” I demanded. Then I moved against her deeply but slowly. When she climaxed, I let myself go and joined her. As I laid on top of her, shivering, panting, exhilarated, I felt her sigh. I was desperately trying to find the words to tell her about my brain tumor but her soft lips against my neck and her fingers trailing on my back were distracting me. She pushed me away from her and looked at me. Then she pulled me closer and whispered in my ear a soft, “yes.”

I am the happiest man in the world. As I watch her sleep in my arms with her leg draped over mine, I can't help but also feel a bit melancholy. I think back to the rest of the day – did I miss an opportunity to tell her the truth? Should I have been forthcoming about my situation before I asked her to commit to me? I am surprised that she accepted me so easily, that she trusts me so explicitly. I hesitate to wake her so she can go home. As I kiss her forehead, I say a quiet pray, “Please, God, don't let me die just when I've found a reason to live.”