When He (or She) Doesn't Feel the Same

It happens a lot. You go steady with someone for a long time. He's fun to be with, everything is perfect, it's a bit serious, yet he's still a bit distant. For you, this is the perfect relationship, you won't be able to live without this person, and you're ready to take that plunge. Yet, you hesitate to bring it up because it might spook him. So you wait for little bit more but each second that ticks by brings more impatience.

You finally get the nerve to lay everything you feel out on the floor. He doesn't react exactly the way you were hoping. Then you back-track a little bit saying that you're not really expecting anything, just want to be honest. Then you notice through the following days (or months) that he's pulling back from the relationship. He's not as fun, things are not so perfect, he never wants to talk about anything serious, and he's now really distant. Arguments are starting and now there are tears. So you make the ultimatum (you know which one) and he almost breaths a sigh of relief. He walks away and your pride won't allow you to follow him.

Days and months go by and you're still waiting for him to call. You're daydreaming about the hot and heavy reconciliation and you're still holding on to that dream. You finally see each other, you talk about why you fell apart and he's honest enough to say he wasn't ready for a serious relationship. The sparks weren't there but there was enough to keep you hoping.

Then you find out he just got married. He's happy with his new bride whom he's known for less than half the time he was with you. What gives? You cry, heartbroken once more. You rack your brain for all the wrong things you might have done that scared him off and you can't think of anything. You doubt yourself and obsess over why you lost him to another woman.

The funny thing is there's nothing wrong with you. You didn't do anything wrong or are you any less a woman than the next. It's just that you were not the right one for him. It's not a science, there's no logic that will satisfy you. It's so simple it won't ease the pain you feel. So you wake up one morning determined to start anew. On the surface, you succeed in fooling everyone, even yourself sometimes. But inside, you've developed a hardened layer lest someone tries to break you again. So you end up more alone, more sad, and you lose your glow. Which, in turn, makes you less noticeable, less attractive and more invisible.

You tell yourself you'd rather be alone for the rest of your life. That another heartbreak will make you curl up and die. But aren't you already dead? Not curled up in the corner, yes, but walking, talking dead just like a rotting, decrepit zombie.